Before you continue reading this article, it is crucial for you to get one thing clear: If you’re enjoying oral sex, and if your partner’s enjoying it, you don’t need any manual or rule book to tell you how to get off or how to avoid things like teeth while giving head. Oral sex can be immensely satisfying: Some studies link it as on par, or exceeding, pleasure from intercourse.
But oral sex also can have a learning curve. And that learning curve is dependent on your partner, you, both of your moods, and what else is on the sexual table for the evening. And although oral sex may be framed as something you “give” to someone, in reality, it’s a subtle dance of connection, in which both of you are reacting to moves, cues, and sounds.
It can also be a learning curve to receive oral sex. But of course, the best way to learn is to practice. Keeping these strategies, like how to give head without teeth, in mind can shake things up and help make oral more enjoyable for everyone (and all body parts) involved.
1. How To Avoid Using Too Much Teeth
Regardless of who may be receiving oral sex, teeth + sensitive skin is never a good combination. Just ask Google: How to avoid teeth during head is one of the most searched terms when it comes to oral.
But here’s the thing: Your teeth are in your mouth, and your mouth is on your partner’s privates — so yes, there may be some contact, and that’s okay. In fact, a little playful and very light graze of the teeth can be tantalizing for some, but you want to make sure you know that that’s what your partner wants before you do it. To avoid using your teeth during a blow job, try pulling your lips over your teeth and pretend like you’re sucking on a popsicle.
2. Make Eye Contact
Yes, you’re busy. But take some time to look up. Making eye contact during sex is a great way to create intimacy. “Looking someone in the eye and having them return your gaze can be a deeply vulnerable and connecting experience,” says Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy.
You don’t necessarily need a deep, soulful stare, and you don’t need to have a staring contest, but regularly looking up and engaging in eye contact can make it feel like a mutual experience. It can also help you both assess how you’re both feeling and can help you easily transition into another act.
3. Vary Your Oral Technique
Just as it is with intercourse, you need to mix things up. Try different techniques, either with your mouth, hands, or both. If you’ve discussed it with your partner and they’ve consented, consider working some anal play or toys into your usual oral repertoire, too.
“Use your tongue to cover your lower teeth, and move it from side to side. Varying the stimulation will make it easier on you and will create new sensations,” suggests Mark Michaels, a sex educator and co-author of Partners in Passion, A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long Term Love.
“Making humming sounds replicates the experience of using a vibrator. You can also try placing a vibrator on your cheek as you go down,” adds Michaels. “Making authentic erotic sounds is not only a turn-on — it can help create an association with being turned on in your own mind.”
You can also play around with just how many sensations your tongue can produce on different body parts. Experiment with different tongue positions, including the pointy tip, the flat surface, and the sides and the back, too. Your lips can also give different sensations. In short: Your tongue is a gymnast, and their body is your playground.
4. Let Go Of Your Fear Of Receiving Oral
Receiving oral can be terrifying. You’re vulnerable, it’s intimate, and you may wonder how everything looks, smells, and tastes down there. It’s normal to feel nervous, but it’s also OK to express your fear — and do it anyway, if oral is something you want to do. It’s also OK to let go, feel vulnerable, have your partner take their time, and let yourself experience any weird noises that may come up. In short, oral is not just about amazing sensations below the belt, but creating trust, vulnerability, and intimacy with your partner — and allowing yourself to have fun and let go a little bit.
The same goes for giving: “People sometimes think of giving oral sex as somehow degrading, but actually it is a great way to honor your partner and convey your love,” says Michaels. “We sometimes say that it’s worshipping at the altar of your beloved. You don’t have to think of it in such exalted terms, but it’s great to bring a little of that sensibility to it.”
And oral may be the gift that keeps on giving. A 2019 study of older adults found that those who regularly incorporated it into their relationship had more active sexual relationships and a higher quality of life than those who didn’t. In other words, oral is a lifelong habit that’s worth picking up.
5. Discover What Makes Giving Oral A Turn-On For You, Too
Yes, it’s called a blow job, but no one wants to feel you’re clocking in to spend time with their nether regions. If your partner enjoys oral sex, it can be helpful to find out what makes it a turn on for you, too. This could be seeing just how much your partner enjoys it, the vulnerability that comes with receiving oral sex, or the thrill that comes with experimenting with new techniques. Either way, giving and receiving oral can be something both of you can enjoy, for different reasons.