Finally, you have her attention, and you are gearing up for your first date after days, weeks, or months trying to take her out, but are you prepared for that moment? It is easy to get excited and pumped for your date, but without adequate preparation, you might meet it up.
Yeah, it’s not an examination, so you wonder, “Why should I prepare?” Well, if you want to make a lasting and good impression on the date, you need to know the dos and don’ts of a first date.
In this piece, we will consider the top ten things to avoid on your first date with that special girl or lady. Although there are numerous things to avoid, these top ten are deal-breakers, and you are guaranteed a memorable date if you can avoid them.
Don’t worry, the ideas below are not difficult to incorporate in the dating scene. You only have to be dedicated enough to read, learn new concepts, and unlearn some of the things you got wrong before.
So, let’s ensure you get the next one right by learning all the things to avoid: punctuality begins.
1. Don’t Show Up Late
You may have heard the statement, “There are no chances for a good first impression,” and it applies to the first thing you should avoid while going on a first date. Make sure you plan your schedule excellently well, such that you are at the agreed date spot before she gets there.
As a gentleman, it is not right to keep a lady waiting, and while several factors could contribute to lateness (bad weather or traffic), if you decide not to be late, you will arrive early.
What does “Early” mean? Being early doesn’t mean being there at precisely 7 pm (if this is the agreed time); instead, it means being there a few minutes before 7 pm. This realization means when preparing for the date, you will need to figure out how many minutes it will take to arrive at the location and consider traffic issues (if there will be any).
Back to the statement: if you show up late at the date, you may not get a second chance to change the wrong first impression, which speaks of your disregard for other people’s time. Every lady wants to feel special, and showing up on time is a significant indicator that you value her time, that you are excited about meeting her, and you are committed to that moment.
2. Being Under or Overdressed
After taking care of the punctuality perspective, it is crucial that you also consider how you look. She might be impressed with your timing, but if your outfit isn’t suitable for the date, that can be a turnoff. Some men overdo it with their dressing by going overboard with flashy fashionable pieces because they want to “Impress” the lady.
Some other men fail to consider the venue for the date when choosing an outfit and end up being underdressed. The best advice you can receive regarding first date fashion is to dress appropriately such that it suits the location for the date. Take the time to go back home from work to change from a suit to a casual t-shirt if you meet her in a calm place.
You will be meeting this lady physically for the first time, and regardless of how well the relationship progresses or if it doesn’t, she will always remember that first attire. When you look excellent and well-dressed for the event, you will feel good and confident. However, if you are not well-dressed, it will also affect how you feel.
Imagine showing up for a karaoke date in your work clothes or going to the beach for the first date in an attire that is not beach appropriate. When you show up at the beach like that and look around seeing how others are dressed, you will feel different and will not be happy handing out with someone not dressed for the date.
3. You Are Constantly Checking Your Phone
A date aids increased knowledge about the other person through conversation in a most relaxed space. Sadly, lots of people ruin their first dates by being engrossed with their phone while the other person expects to connect with them.
I know you can’t wait to get home to watch the fascinating YouTube video but come on! She also arranged her schedule such that she could meet you; how about a little courtesy? By fiddling with your phone, chatting, checking Instagram, and taking phone calls while on a first date is a disaster recipe.
You will give off a bad impression and send the wrong message to her when you do that, and for most people, using their phone while with others has become reflex action, which means you have to unlearn this act.
Set your phone aide during the date, and she will do the same. Engage in her by giving her attention, and she will do the same. But if you don’t take the initiative, if you continue using your phone while on the date, she will do the same, and at the end of the date, you both will leave with more questions about each other than you had when you first walked in.
4. Talking About Your Ex or Previous Relationship Experiences
The quality of the conversation you have while on the date is also crucial as you’ve got to be yourself and be authentic while saying the right things. Speaking excessively about your ex or previous relationships is not ideal for a first date (remember that this first date represents a fresh start).
You can only talk about your ex or previous relationship experiences when she asks you such specific questions. Please don’t compare your ex to your date. Don’t state how she is either similar or different from your ex: comparisons are hurtful, especially women.
Most painful first dates that end on a disastrous note happen because of the consistent reference to an ex or a previous relationship. The fact that you are talking about your ex so passionately probably means you still have feelings for her. No woman wants to step into territory already owned by another woman, and it is disrespectful to your date.
Whenever you feel like you must talk about your ex, please change the topic and focus more on knowing her. Your previous relationships are no longer part of your present reality: let that experience go and become conscious of what is before you.
5. Don’t Take Over the Date Aggressively (A Conversation is a Two-Way Street)
Discussions should go both ways as this aid in establishing balance (no one feels left out). I know you are very excited about this first date, such that you are ready to ask all the questions you’ve meant to ask as well as get her facial reaction.
But if you take over the conversation without giving her room for replies or counter statements, you will be too forceful. If you are a naturally fast speaker, then remind yourself to take pauses and listen to her.
Also, don’t interrupt her while she speaks (this is disrespectful), always allow her to finish her line of thoughts and reply along those same lines, thus stimulating the conversation and making it more exciting.
Try as much as you can to stay focused on the conversation in a way that allows room for contributions. If you want to have a second and third date, if you want a lasting relationship, then you must prove that you are both partners through your communicative style.
Instead of your words screaming, “Listen to me, I’m talking,” they should say, “I hear you, and I am here for you.” If you are a boss used to always having his way, this might be challenging for you, mainly if you are used to people listening to you with little or no input. But do you remember that saying about practice makes perfect? Hold on to that and have a great time on your date.
6. Don’t Be Rude, Insensitive, or Disrespectful
These three attributes are an absolute NO!!!!!
You are supposed to be courteous, friendly, kind, and sensitive to your date’s needs on your first date. Now you may think, “No one will intentionally be rude to their date,” but it does happen in the smallest ways that give a wrong impression.
For example, some men are rude to the waiters, valet, and staff at the date. Being rude to employees speaks poorly of your character. Don’t be rude to staff because you are highly placed in society and don’t lose your temper over minimal mistakes. She will not only be watching to see how you treat her; she will be looking to see how you treat others because that is what tells her more about you.
Please don’t be disrespectful to her by making disparaging comments about women or other sensitive issues. Sometimes you may be disrespectful without knowing it by taking a stance, which violates her beliefs. To avoid such unconscious disrespectful acts, stay off controversial topics during the date.
Don’t talk about politics, racial issues, or other issues that spark debate such as feminism. You can have these conversations much later as you both get to your third date because you are comfortable enough to speak without offense by that time.
7. Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice
While the conversation is underway during the first date, please don’t give unsolicited advice. Unsolicited advice is unwanted commentary and suggestions on what you think she should do even when she hasn’t asked you for such comments.
For example, if she talks about her work challenges and how she is trying to balance her time, don’t rush in and give time management advice. She might just have mentioned it to spice up the conversation, or maybe she wants to get it off her chest.
Now, if she says What do you think are the causes of time management issues?” then you can share your thoughts. You can talk about how you planned for the date ahead of time just so you wouldn’t late, and don’t forget to empathize with her.
To put it simply: first dates are always fun and exciting when the man lets the woman takes the lead. Of course, this doesn’t mean you wouldn’t get a word in during the date; it just means that you are conscious enough to let her feel comfortable with the conversation.
Additionally, a first date is not the right time to give advice, be patient, get to know her some more, and overtime asking for your advice will come naturally to you.
8. Demonstrating Poor Listening and Attentive Skills
Another deal-breaker during the first dates is poor listening skills. If you know you quickly get distracted when spending time with someone, please work on your listening skills before starting your first date. The first date is all about creating first impressions, and she wants to know you hear her.
If you don’t listen well enough, you will also be inattentive, which means you will miss out on some of her words. What are you going to say when she asks a question regarding what she already said? If you fail to answer, it will mean she has been speaking for nothing all the time.
Just as you pay attention to reading this book, the lines, and imbibing the lessons for your first date, please also pay attention to her. Let her know through your attentiveness that you are present, and you are listening to everything she says.
Ask questions if you don’t understand her words and ask her to repeat what she says if you missed something crucial (it all shows that you are present and interested).
9. Don’t Be Too Handsy
Next, try not to be too handsy, and this means making unnecessary body gestures and touching your date inappropriately. Don’t touch her wrist, hair, or any other body part; you can give a handshake at the start of the date and only reach for a hug if she also does the same.
Although there are no rules against giving a hug on the first date mostly if you both have spent time on the phone and comfortable with each other, however, let her lead and always follow her lead as a gentleman. Aside from this move, making you a gentleman, you will be adhering to new rules regarding body contact in this time when women are insisting on consent with every form of bodily interaction.
You don’t want to act in an ungentlemanly manner, and you also don’t want to get into trouble by being too handsy when she doesn’t want you to touch her. Be respectful, kind and gracious throughout your time together, and you feel the urge to hold her hand for example, while taking a walk after dinner, please ask politely, “May I hold your hand?”
It may seem like an “Old-fashioned” statement, but it is the best way to treat a lady on a first date.
10. Don’t Impose a Second Date
Lastly, don’t impose a second date or subsequent hangouts if she doesn’t seem thrilled about it. Some ladies will drop hints about desiring a second date and even mention it outrightly to you, so that’s great because she takes the lead.
However, some ladies may not want another date: don’t push them to commit to it because you want it. Being too persuasive about another date is not an excellent way of bringing the date to an end. It is okay if you end the date on a cordial note such that you both have fun and remain friends (not all first dates lead to a lasting relationship). Be a gentleman, have fun, enjoy the moment, make sure she is having fun, and don’t make her feel uncomfortable with the insistence that she must commit to another date.
On the other hand, she may be ready for another date right after the first one, and if this happens, it means she fancies your company, and you are ticking the right boxes. However, now that you have succeeded with the first date, you need to do the same with the second one. If there will be a second date, you must avoid all we’ve discussed thus far.
Don’t worry about what you will do on your second date because we have it all covered here. If you get a shot at a second date, all you must do is read the guide and do just fine.
Great, You Are Ready for Your First Date!
Look how easy it is to execute the first date successfully. Sometimes the mistakes that occur at first dates are attributed to a lack of preparation. The man who goes for his first date prepared and informed will always do well. Show up confidently, remember all the tips shared thus far, and forget to have fun.