Lying is not healthy for any relationship. For a relationship to blossom, there must be transparency and probity. Any relationship where lying is prominent or common will surely come to an absolute end. Any relationship that the foundation is built on lie will not have the capacity to stand the test of time. Lying will make your partner to loose trust in you, and you know that can be catastrophic as there will be mutual suspicion among the partners.
Are you struggling with lying in your relationship and wish to come out of it? Then this 10 points will help you to an extent to come out from that bad lifestyle.
1. Trust and believe in your partner
This might sound like a weird suggestion since you’re the one lying, but sometimes, people lie because they don’t trust the person they are lying to. For instance, you might lie about your true feelings regarding your partner’s family because you’re afraid that she/he will immediately dismiss what you’ll say and automatically side with her/his kin. You might also lie about yourself because you don’t trust your partner enough to tell her the truth about your troubled past. Regardless of what her/his reactions might be, you must trust and believe—for without these, you can never be truly honest, and your relationship will never have a stable footing.
2. Maintain trustworthiness
Of course, you cannot possibly learn to trust in your partner if you yourself are not trustworthy. After all, it is not a far cry to say that the main reason people lie is that they are hiding something immoral or indecent. If you don’t want to lie about cheating on your partner, then never engage in an affair. If you do not want to lie about spending your joint savings in casinos, then don’t waste both of your money on gambling. It’s as simple as that. By being trustworthy, you prevent the problem from existing!
3. Always tell your partner when you lie.
Admitting a lie can make a world of difference, and while it might hurt your pride, it’s far better than being a liar. Even better, confess to your partner immediately and seek their forgiveness. This is humbling, but it will cause you to stop and think before you tell another lie. Someone once said Confession is good for the soul. And it is also good at helping us break bad habits.
4. Practice open communication
To truly be honest with each other, both you and your partner need to consistently practice open communication. If you tell her/him what you think and feel and she/he does the same, then you’ll understand and become more comfortable with each other, thus diminishing the compulsion to hide things and lie. It is only when you communicate that your relationship truly becomes a genuine partnership—free from the shackles of deceit and apprehension.
5. Empathize with your partner
If you find yourself constantly lying to your partner, imagine the opposite. How would you feel when you find out the truth? You would feel betrayed, disrespected, and on some extreme cases, defiled, right? Sure, you wouldn’t want to be lied to and made a fool of. Use empathy as a sheath that prevents you from drawing the blade of lies against your partner!
6. Look for a partner that you truly value and love
This is more of a drastic measure. If you find yourself constantly lying to your partner, without much regard to the pain it might cause her/him down the line, then perhaps you don’t really value or love her/him as much as you think, and it is time to responsibly put an end to the relationship. Only then will the lying truly stop. Spare both you and her/him the trouble of living in constant lies, and look for someone who you truly value and care enough not to lie to. However, before you pursue a new person, please take note of all the items provided here to avoid repeating the past.
7. Remove constant lying from your lifestyle
Even if you take into account the previous items and find a person who you truly value, if lying is a part of your lifestyle already, then you’ll most probably end up lying all over again. After all, if you lie to people every day, then lying becomes a habit; it becomes a natural impulse where you become desensitized to its detrimental effects. Hence, make an earnest effort to remove constant lying from your everyday life first. Doing this will not only help you become more honest in your relationship, but it will also make you a better person in general.
8. Practice telling the truth.
When you start to feel the urge to lie, stop and think for a moment. Think about how your partner will feel about you if they knew you were lying. Think about how you would feel if people lied to you all the time. And then, as painful as it may seem, tell the truth. The more we tell others the truth, the easier it is to continue to do it. Lying is a bad habit. Telling the truth is a good habit. Work on breaking your bad habit by replacing it with a good one.
9. Be realistic about what you promise to your partner.
Deliberately broken promises are lies that lead to broken hearts. If you promise to do something and never intend to follow through, that is a lie. Additionally, many lies begin as a way to cover up the fact we can’t possibly do everything we promised we were going to do. Be honest about what you’re capable of doing, admitting to yourself and others your limitations, and you won’t feel a need to lie.
10. Try to Find out what pressured you to lie.
What were you trying to hide? What would have been a better way, to tell the truth? For example, all addicts feel they must lie to cover up their addiction. The more they cover up their addiction, the better they get at lying and deceiving. Almost every lie has a reason behind it. Wrong actions almost always lead to lies. Perhaps the reason why you lie is to control your. That in itself can be an addiction. You have to put an end to it.
Thanks for reading!