Before you run into your Prince Charming, you simply have to kiss a few frogs.
You have to run into a few guys who will hurt you and who have the intention of breaking your heart—it’s the law of modern dating.
Whether they like it or not, before they meet their Mr. Perfect, most girls nowadays have to deal with at least one player.
Someone who will teach them all the hard lessons about love and dating.
Someone who will help them appreciate the nice guy, once he comes into their lives.
Of course, no girl would ever get herself involved with this type of asshole if she could only see his true colors in time.
Nevertheless, that is impossible. Or is it really? We’re here to show you what is possible and give you a dating expert’s advice on how to spot a player right away.
Just read these signs which can serve you as an effective “Is he playing with me” quiz.
If more than half of these things apply to your boyfriend, the situation is more than obvious, as much as you try to deny it.
1. He is shady
One of the first red flags a guy is a player who will hurt your feelings is his dishonesty and shady behavior.
When you come to think about it, you know nothing about this man, and you have very little information about his whereabouts.
Yes, privacy is important, and nobody is telling you to be a psycho stalker who follows her boyfriend’s every move, but the fact is that this guy hides all of his life (and love life) details from you and that you caught him lying more than once.
Is your man constantly on his phone when he’s with you, but when you call him, it is always out of service?
Does he avoid answering whenever you ask him who’s he been texting or talking to?
Does he always go out to answer his phone and never talks to anyone in front of you? Does he follow a lot of unknown girls on social media?
Does he hide his phone and make sure he never leaves it out of sight? Does he refuse to tell you where and with whom he’s been last night?
Does he hide his Snapchat and Instagram stories from you? Do you have any access to his social networks?
Does he act like a suspect in a murder investigation and avoids eye contact whenever you try to find out more about his daily activities?
Does he accuse you of being too nosy when you ask him a normal question? Is his body language telling you he is hiding something?
If most of these answers are positive, I have to disappoint you and tell you that you’re without a doubt dealing with a shady guy who is playing you. Stop lying to yourself, and look the truth in the eyes!
2. He is too smooth
Let’s face it—there doesn’t exist a woman who isn’t attracted to men with confidence; to men who know what they want and who don’t hesitate to get it.
One of the most appealing characteristics any guy can have is high self-esteem.
Almost every woman will be knocked off her feet by a man who shows her he isn’t afraid of winning her heart and by a man who knows what he’s doing.
However, sadly, sometimes, this is the biggest catch when it comes to guys who play games—the fact that they are skillful when it comes to dating and that they have a way of getting under a woman’s skin
You see, the worst thing about players is that they are always incredibly charming.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that every single guy who knows his way with the ladies is an asshole who wants to use you, but if a man is a sweet talker and if he seems too good to be true from day one, it is a red flag to keep your eyes wide open.
When a guy is a smooth talker and when he is a master of flirting and texting, it is clear that he has some experience.
It is probably that he’s done this before and that he approached numerous girls in the same way he did you.
Not only that, but this man is also perfectly aware that he can get almost every girl he puts his eye on.
Knowing that it is quite unlikely that he will be satisfied with having only you and that he won’t try his games on other females as well.
3. He hides his past
All of us have the right not to share the details from our pasts with our new partners.
So, your boyfriend is in no way obligated to tell you every little thing about his exes or to spill out all the weight of his emotional baggage right in front of you.
You have to respect his privacy and the privacy of his former emotional partners enough not to ask too much and enough to let him be the one to decide what he’s ready to tell you and when.
At the same time, it is perfectly natural for you to know at least some basic details about your boyfriend’s past, including romantic ones.
It should be normal for you to know things such as when his last serious relationship ended, how long his longest romance lasted, and what type of girls he usually dated.
Nevertheless, you know nothing about these things and to put things frankly, you know nothing about this guy’s past.
You never heard him mentioning one of his exes or telling you something more about his love life in general.
Even though this is not such an obvious sign that you’re dealing with a player, it is, without a doubt, a warning you should pay closer attention to.
What is he hiding? What is he afraid of? Is it possible that he was actually a jerk towards all of his girlfriends and that he wants to prevent you from finding that out?
That he cheated or ghosted most of them and that he is scared that his mask of a good guy would fall off if you ever became aware of that?
4. He isn’t consistent
When a guy is playing you, you never know where you stand with him and what to expect the next day.
He keeps playing hot and cold games, and before you know it, you catch yourself trying to decode his intentions and trying to get to the bottom of his personality.
At first, this seems like all fun and games, and you might even find it interesting and exciting.
Nevertheless, as time goes by and as you see that he doesn’t plan on changing his ways, you see that his inconsistency is actually a telltale sign that he isn’t serious about you.
This is exactly what’s happening with you and this guy we’re talking about: you feel like you’re dating two different people.
One day, he treats you like you’re the love of his life, and you have no doubts regarding your relationship.
He spoils you, calls and texts you all the time, wants to know about your day and makes sure you know he can’t wait to see you.
Of course, this makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. What girl wouldn’t like having such a thoughtful, loving, and caring boyfriend?
Nevertheless, all of this changes overnight, and the very next day, he starts behaving like a completely different man.
All of a sudden, he ignores your calls, doesn’t reply to your texts, and becomes too busy to see you.
Naturally, you wonder what’s going on with him, and you can’t help but ask yourself: “Does he like me or is he just playing me?
Did I do something wrong and what made him change his behavior so drastically?”. Well, let me tell you that this man’s inconsistency is all a part of his game.
This way, he always leaves you wanting more, and even when he treats you like shit, you’re in the struggle to get the man who loved you back.
Besides, he is also giving you hope that a day will come when he won’t go back to his awful ways; a day when he’ll decide to forever remain the romantic guy who treats you the way every woman in this world wants to be treated.
5. His words don’t match his actions
Another warning sign that a man is playing you is the fact that his behavior is nowhere near his words.
When you first meet this man, he is a good guy who gives you loads of empty promises and bullshit lies, which you of course fall for.
However, after a while, you realize that all of these sweet words were nothing more than his sneaky way to get under your skin, inside your heart, and into your bed.
Some of these players don’t have a problem with telling you how much they love you, how much they missed you, and that they could never imagine themselves being next to another girl who isn’t you.
And let’s face it—what woman doesn’t like hearing these words coming from a man she is crazy for?
This is especially the case when you’re threatening to leave his sorry ass or when you really get the strength to walk away from him.
When this happens, he turns into the best guy ever, and he keeps telling you that he will do anything just to have him back.
Nevertheless, when you come to think of it, he never actually stood behind his words and you can’t help but wonder: “Is he playing games with me?”.
In fact, he always acted completely the opposite, and as soon as he gets another chance, he goes back to his wrongdoings.
The bitter truth is that you don’t feel that love and affection he’s telling you about.
He never fulfilled any of his promises to change so that things between you will be different.
So, what other proof do you need before you realize that he is nothing but a player who will break your heart?
6. He refuses to label things
A trait which is common for most guys who play games is that they have trouble making things official.
Some of them tell you that they don’t believe in relationships as such.
Some of them avoid the topic, and some of them lie that they’re still not ready to label things.
If your man refuses to call you his girlfriend and if he uses vague terms about your relationship, things are pretty obvious.
However, at the same time, he isn’t leaving you, he is just keeping you on standby. This way, he wants to avoid all the relationship drama.
Also, he doesn’t want to give you any rights you would normally have as his girlfriend but at the same time, he wants to keep you around.
After all, you two are not in a romantic relationship and that gives him the chance to continue his life of a bachelor and have complete freedom to do whatever the hell he wants.
You’re not his girlfriend, so technically, you don’t have the right to call him out on his actions or to flat out ask him where everything is going.
You don’t have the right to ask him where he spent the night and whether he will hook up with other girls (instead you have to investigate his Instagram and Snapchat stories in the hope of finding out what he’s been up to).
You don’t have the right to demand that he puts you first, to nag about him not giving you enough attention or to get angry when he disappears for days.
Most importantly, when your relationship isn’t official, he doesn’t have a duty to remain faithful.
In fact, this gives him the liberty to talk to (or even hook up with) other girls without it being called cheating and without you being entitled to say anything.
The worst part is that you really did sign up for this. You really did accept this status quo, and you really did settle for not having a title.
And this is something he never fails to remind you of whenever you try complaining about his behavior.
7. He isn’t committed
According to dating coaches, all players are chronic commitment-phobes. They run away from obligations and never make future plans.
A player will probably tell you that he is emotionally unavailable, that he’s been hurt in the past, that he’s had his share of toxic relationships, and that he is just overly careful because he’s afraid of getting his heart broken.
Every time you notice that he isn’t fully devoted to your relationship and every time you see he hasn’t let you all the way in, he will tell you that he is scared of how much he likes you and that is why he’s backing out.
Instead of running for the hills, every time you hear this lame excuse, deep down, you are even flattered.
After all, you’re the one who is about to tear down his walls, and the only woman who has the chance of getting his heart.
Well, let me tell you something: by doing this, you’re giving him a green light to continue with this shitty behavior.
You’re wasting years trapped in a toxic relationship, on a man who doesn’t want to plan a future with you, on a man who doesn’t put any effort into your relationship, and on a man who might well disappear from your life tomorrow without giving you any explanation.
No, he is not a lost little boy who needs your guidance and who spent his entire life waiting for you to show him what true love is.
He is not emotionally broken or traumatized. He is an asshole who is playing with you!
8. Everything is about sex
We’re all human beings who enjoy sex which is an inevitable part of every healthy relationship.
So it is completely natural for your boyfriend to want to sleep with you.
Otherwise, you would probably worry that he doesn’t find you attractive enough or wonder if he’s banging someone on the side.
However, a guy being crazy about your bedroom skills is one thing, and having an entire relationship based on meaningless sex is completely different.
This is exactly what will happen when you’re spending time with a player. Sex is the only thing he will be interested in.
He doesn’t care about talking to you or sharing some personal details, and the only time he actually texts you, it is a booty call.
He doesn’t take you out on dates. He just calls you in the middle of the evening for “Netflix and chill” at his or your place (which always turns into “Netflix and casual sex”).
He doesn’t know when your birthday is or what your pet’s name is, but he sure does know what your favorite sex position is.
Did he do something special for you? Never! He never threw you a romantic gesture or a surprise.
He is not interested in your deepest fears and life dilemmas, and he doesn’t give a damn about you as a person.
Besides, he behaves completely differently when he is trying to get laid and after he’s gotten what he wanted. After you two are done, his body language completely changes.
He doesn’t cuddle you, and he rarely spends the night. In fact, he usually doesn’t even text you the next morning.
However, as soon as he wants to have sex, he is all over you, and you can’t get rid of him.
If this is something you can relate to, dating experts say it is a telltale sign this man is only after one thing.
He doesn’t put any effort into getting the entire package, and he doesn’t care about your heart or brains.
He is only into your body, and you’re the one who is allowing him to treat you that way.
9. He doesn’t include you in his life
When a guy is crazy over you, he is interested in your opinions and attitudes, and he wants to get to know you as much as he can.
Not only that, he also wants to make you a part of his life: he wants you to meet his best friends and family, he tells you about his job, and he includes you in his hobbies.
Every dating coach will tell you that when a man is genuinely interested in you, he will proudly show you off to everyone in his surroundings.
He will be more than happy to hold your hand in public and to introduce you to the world.
On the other hand, a certified player will never do any of these things.
In fact, he’ll probably hide you from everyone and make sure you’re out of his life as much as possible.
This guy will probably ignore you when you’re in the company of others, and he’ll try his best to do everything he can not to run into you anywhere outside of your apartments or shady night clubs. It is not that he’s embarrassed about you.
He just doesn’t want to be caught making out with you because he is in the same relationship with numerous other girls and that would blow his cover.
Besides, not giving you access to his life and daily routine makes it easier for him to dump you whenever and however he feels like it.
The less information you have about him and the fewer friends you have in common, the easier it will be for him to ghost you and disappear without any explanation.
10. He doesn’t put you first
Another obvious sign that a guy is playing you (which many girls sadly overlook) is the fact that you have to beg for this man’s love and attention.
It is a fact that you feel like his second choice and that he never gave you the place you deserve in his life.
For someone like him, everything and everyone is more important than you.
He is always too busy to see you and doesn’t mind bailing out on you when someone else calls him to hang out.
You’re not the one with whom he will ever plan a vacation together (or even a weekend getaway), not the one he’ll run to help when you’re in trouble, and not the one he’ll cancel plans for.
You’re not the one whose texts he’ll reply to first and not the one whose phone call he never fails to return.
In fact, you’re this guy’s last resort, a safety net, and the only times he calls you are when he needs you.
You are the one who will always wait for him and the one who has spent numerous nights with her phone in her hand, hoping until the last minute that he will come as he promised.
It is like he feels you’re not going anywhere, no matter what he does and as if he doesn’t have to put minimum effort in keeping you around.
You’re the one he calls when he doesn’t have anything better to do and when everyone else stands him up at the last minute.
You’re not his priority and will never become one. Instead, you’re just a girl who keeps waiting for him to show up as if nothing happened.
11. He flirts with other girls
Even if your player had the decency to label your relationship, he is still not faithful to you.
So, you never caught him in action, but you know very well that you’re not the only girl he talks to.
However, being faithful is much more than not having sex with other women and much more than not engaging in physical contact.
This guy has remained friends with most of his exes, and you can’t be certain whether he is still spending time with some of them.
He refuses to uninstall his dating apps or to unfollow a bunch of girls on Snapchat and other social media.
You see him checking out other girls and making eye contact with them, even in front of you. The worst part is that he doesn’t see anything wrong in his behavior.
Even when you flat out call him on his actions, he tries to convince you that he is just playing around and that you’re making a fuss out of nothing.
According to dating coaches, his need to flirt is simply in his blood and something he’ll never give up on, no matter how much you try.
He’ll never respect you enough to make you his one and only, and that is something you shouldn’t put up with.
Whether you like it or not, with time, you’ll catch yourself wondering why you can’t be enough for this man, and he’ll manage to convince you that somehow, his mistreatment is actually your fault.
You’ll be comparing yourself with all those other girls in his life, and your self-esteem will be completely ruined.
12. He’s got a bad reputation
You’re a girl who doesn’t pay attention to other people’s opinions and someone who doesn’t give a damn about what others are saying.
You know people aren’t always honest, and you don’t believe everything you hear.
Even though this is a great thing and a sign of your strong attitudes, when a man has a reputation of being a fuckboy, maybe it’s time to look it up and check it out.
You see, when a guy played and hurt many girls in the past, you’ll probably hear about it, and it is not something you should ignore.
If everyone around you (including your best friends who definitely mean you well) are advising you against being with him and telling you to stay away from this jerk, maybe you should listen to them.
If people keep telling you that he has a reputation of using girls as booty calls and of jumping from one bed to another, there is probably something more in that.
Don’t fool yourself by thinking that he’ll be different when it comes to you because he won’t.
Don’t lie to yourself that you are something special and that you’ll change him because you’ll probably end up heartbroken, just as all those other girls before you.
13. Your gut is telling you so
Let’s face it—there probably doesn’t exist a girl who never asked her friends: “Is he playing me or is he serious?” regarding some guy, despite the love they share.
A girl who never wondered: “Is he playing with me or are his intentions are honest?”.
Nevertheless, it is perfectly natural if things like these go through your mind once in a while, but it is something else if you’re obsessing about these questions.
When you’re an overthinker and overlover, you always suspect everyone’s intentions.
You are constantly scared about getting heartbroken, and you doubt even the ones you should trust.
However, when your gut is telling you something, maybe it’s time to listen to it.
After all, if you spend most of your time asking yourself questions such as: “Is he serious about me or just playing?” or “Does he really love me or is he playing games?” or constantly searching for an “Is he playing me” quiz, it is time to reconsider your entire relationship.