Everyone desires a glorious and beautiful wedding but it is sad to know that it is not everybody that actually prepares for a good marriage. You will come across some people while in their courtship period, you see them having fun and getting along well in all areas and you will think that they are going to have a lasting marriage. But sadly enough many of them end up divorcing after a short while of marriage.
It is crucial for us not to enter into marriage blindly because love can be blind during the courtship period but understand that marriage is an eye-opener.
Before you enter into marriage, it is important to consider and agree on the following factors so as to avoid regrets at the end.
1. Ask how you can help them when they are stressed;
One of the best things you can do for your partner is to understand how you can help them when they are feeling down. Some people need space, some need reassurance, some need a good long talk, etc. Everybody is different when it comes to coping with stress. While in stress, most people are unable to communicate what their preferences are and will be more ticked off when you do things they do not want or like. Knowing this beforehand means you and your partner will be able to help each other cope with stress as it comes.
2. Find out if they want children and how they would feel if you are unable to make them;
Most people considering marriage have talked about kids. How many kids they want and even what school they would send them to. What people hardly talk about is the possibility of them struggling to conceive. People struggle with infertility every day and if you or partner happen to have an issue, it would be an added advantage that you have had the discussion in advance and know exactly the step to take. This will be you facing a bad situation as a team instead of fighting over options.
3. Ask about their deal breakers
Everyone has deal-breakers and non-negotiable, the worst time to learn about your partner’s non-negotiable is after marriage-This is like crossing a highway with your eyes closed, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Knowing your partner’s deal-breakers before getting married will help to drastically reduce fights and unnecessary annoyance.
4. Let them tell you what marriage means to them;
Learning about this would make you understand your partner more, their expectations, and what they expect from you matrimonially. This way you will know if you both want the same things if you both see the institution of marriage in the same light if you are both getting married for the same reasons. This will give you a nice clue of what you are going into
5. Ask about their career ambitions;
You might decide to get into marriage thinking your partner is working to be more than he/she is right now or you could get into marriage thinking they do not intend to push themselves higher only for you to realize otherwise after the marriage and feel bad about it. inquire about their ambitions and goals. Know what they have planned career-wise for the future and decide if you can fit into their plans or not
6. Find out what they think about house chores;
This might sound mundane and ridiculous but domestic house chores have caused a whole lot of divorce all over the world. Find out if they believe chores are meant for one particular person or if it should be shared. Compare their stance to yours, you might have the same views which would be amazing if not discuss further in order to know if a compromise can be made or not.
7. Ask them if they are expecting any kind of change from you;
When a marriage falls apart, you hear things like ”I noticed they do things this way but I expected them to change” or ” I thought marriage and kids will change them” let them know that someone does not magically become a different person with the passage of time or because of marriage and kids. Most people change only because they choose to. If your partner says he expects you to change a particular character trait, that is a decision for you to make. Is this non-negotiable or can you change?… if yes, are you changing because you want to or because they expect you should?.. do not in the heat of the moment promise to make a change that you would not be able to keep up with. It would most likely not be as easy as it seems.
There is no guaranteed way to stop divorce from happening in a marriage, but you can give it your best shot at surviving and blossoming by having conversations before you get married on big and little issues thus, making sure that both of your needs and expectations are aligned while going into married life. This will give you a strong starting foot and open ways for always having conversations when any of you are in doubt. Always ask, listen, and discuss with each other- that is the best path to get past whatever obstacle you may face.