There is no perfect relationship. Don’t ever be deceived by someone saying that they have never had a quarrel in their relationship. That is a big lie.
All couples have problems and disagreements; and it’s natural, because you’re both completely different people with different wants and needs, trying to navigate life as a team. That’s challenging, and anyone who says it’s not is either in denial or fibbing.
The funny thing is, most couple’s problems stem down to the same handful of issues. The good news is, once you identify the problem, and make a choice to work on it together, it’s possible to overcome it. It all really depends on how much both of you want to save your relationship.
Here are some of the most common relationship problems, and how to overcome them before they get worse.
The Common Relationship Problems Most People Face
Show me the money!
Money tends to be one of the most common relationship problems and usually tops the list.
There’s not enough of it, or you both have different spending and saving habits, or one of you makes a lot more than the other which creates a power imbalance. Maybe you stopped working to have a baby, and now you’re struggling to find work again, and perhaps your partner feels financial pressure now more than ever.
The list goes on.
The best thing to do is to sit down and figure out what each of your relationships with money is. Talk about how you feel about money, and how you relate to it. Re-visit the lessons you learned and the experiences you had around money in your childhood. Usually, our relationship with money is identical to one or both of our parents.
If money is a constant stress in your relationship, then figure out a way to cut your spending or increase your income, but do it together.
Is it really all about communication?
Almost all relationship problems can be attributed to one larger issue, and that is communication; or usually, a lack of it.
Generally, women tend to be better communicators than men, simply because men are taught to hide their feelings at all costs, out of fear of appearing weak. The problem with this is, you have one person in the relationship who wants to talk things out, and another who completely shuts down or avoids dealing with it.
This leads to one person feeling misunderstood or like they’re not being heard; while the other person drowns in their own frustration.
On top of that, when we do try and express how we feel, wires can get crossed, and we may end up hurting our partners or unintentionally placing blame on them. And this only makes things worse.
The best thing to do is figure out what your communication issues and styles are, and work with them. Sit down and talk about things once the dust has settled, and you’ve both had time to cool down and process things. This will avoid anything being said in anger.
Always focus on speaking with love and respect to each other, even when you feel hurt. Try and see where the other person is coming from. And if you’re discussing a problem, try and use the word “I” instead of “you.”
E.g. Instead of saying: “When you don’t tell me how you feel, it creates a big problem.”
Say: “I feel disconnected from you when I don’t know how you’re feeling”
It’s sexy time!
It’s common for sex to be great when you first start dating someone. You’re in that honeymoon phase that you just can’t hold onto forever. Over time, sex may happen less often because of other commitments, and it can become less spontaneous and exciting than it used to be.
If this is the case, making an effort to rekindle the flame can usually solve the problem. Dedicate more time for sex, break up your usual routine, flirt with each other, and date each other again like you did before.
Aside from that, you may discover that you both have different sex languages, and you’re struggling to get what you need from your partner, or feel like you have to do things you don’t really want to do.
This is where communication and respect come into play. Sit down and talk about what you need from your partner in bed, and what you’re not okay with. If they love and respect you, then this won’t be an issue, because they will want to make you feel comfortable.
The future is what so many of us are worried about, whether we’re single or in a relationship.
Will this person still want to be with me ten years from now? Will I still enjoy this person’s company and love being with them when we move in together? Can I see myself having kids with this person? Does this person even want to get married and have kids? What if things don’t work out, and I’ve invested all this time and energy into our relationship?
And these issues will inevitably crop up over time, especially as you invest more time in the relationship. So don’t be put off by these topics, they really are the most common relationship problems that most couples face at some point.
The reality is, relationships require compromise. We can’t always get what we want when we want it. At the same time, we shouldn’t have to compromise on our big values and beliefs.
For example, if you really want to have kids and be a mother, and your partner continually tells you he doesn’t see himself as a father, then that relationship is probably not going to work out in the long run.
But when it comes to smaller desires and dreams, it’s about working together to ensure you both feel fulfilled and happy. With love and respect, the challenges couples face in relationships can always be overcome together!